On Healthful Foods

There are two reasons why I eat fattening foods. One, on average fattening foods taste better than non-fattening foods.

Two, fattening foods make me feel better and feel healthier than non-fattening foods. If I want to feel good I will eat a diet of cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, hot dogs and chips. Meat and potatoes always works. Meat and rice works about as well. Pretzels always make me feel better.

I don't have much of a sweet tooth but on those occasions when I have eaten too many sweets, I have felt bad the next day. Almost like a hangover. But I rarely splurge on sweets so it doesn't happen that often.

When I try to eat the officially-sanctioned-proclaimed-from-the heavens-certifiably-good-for-you foods, bad things happen. Years ago I tried to be a vegetarian. I felt awful except when I would break down and eat meat. I had no strength and I had ongoing stomach trouble.

I am not given to discussing bodily functions so I will skip on the details. However, the more fruits and vegetables I consumed, the more gas I produced and the more time I spent on the toilet. Low, energy, stomach pain and...and yes, there were other problems as well.

I am wary of all things that are said to be good for me. Fat and salt make me feel good. Complex carbohydrates, legumes and high fiber foods all come with a steep price. But low brow, standard American foods never seem to let me down.